The fantasy of being someone else

The grass always seems greener on the other side doesn't it? Someone else's life always seems so much more glamorous than our own. I often find myself wondering why I can't be more like my sister.. or the girl that stands in front of me in a grocery store. They always seem to carry them selves with so much more confidence. They don't seem to care what people think.

They are not dictated by their size or by their appearance.

The reality is that this is may not be true at all. They may very well be looking at me thinking the same things. I find that as woman we tend to have irrational insecurities. We always feel the need to be perfect. So we assume that the rest of the world perceives our flaws the same way that we do.

If I am eating a cupcake and feel guilty about it.. then I assume that everyone is looking at me with judgment. If I am wearing short sleeves then I assume that everyone is thinking what I am thinking. " Cover your arms up"

It is very unhealthy to be this insecure.

Don't get me wrong there are days that I love being me. I love my outfit. I love my hair. I love everything to do with me. But then this makes me feel guilty too. Why does it always have to be about me?

I should be focusing on improving my self so that I can help people. Help people understand that they are beautiful. Help people see that there is hope. No it's not all about me. But in order to make it about someone else I need to fix me.

Not that I am not perfect how I am. But I am broken.

This year has proven to be the most adventurous of my entire life. I have pushed myself past my comfort zones.

I joined a all woman's football team ( the experience helped me see that I am capable of so much more then I give myself credit for)

I shaved my head for St. Baldricks back in March. ( My hair was almost to my waist.) I never realized or I guess it never really mattered because I had hair. But without it I felt and still feel very unattractive. I feel vulnerable to judgment. I know that my husband is having trouble with the shorter hair too. But shaving my head has taught me to see all the other beautiful things about myself.

My newest thing. I am going to back to school after 4 years. I am nervous and excited.

The fantasy of being someone else may seem so much better then your reality. But if you don't like who you are. Change...it's never to late to change.

I am still working on me day by day.

Put yourself out there. Take risks. It wont always be pretty. But you will be glad that you tried. What do you have to lose?

I say go out there and became the fantasy that you think only someone else is capable of living.