Numbers

I don't know how much numbers play in your daily life. But in mine they are the main component. It starts out from the night before. As I lay in bed I wonder how many minutes it will take me to dose off. How many hours before my son wakes up for his nightly drink. How many minutes it will take me to re-fall asleep.  The very thought of estimating how much sleep I will get is exhausting in itself I usually don't get much.

Then comes the morning alarm. I almost always push the snooze button at least once. Then after that it's the quick glance at the clock calculating the minutes until it gets too late and I have to force myself out of bed. It doesn't stop there. How many minutes I have to leave the house so that I wont be late to work.

I can name at least 5 other times that numbers are important in my day.

1. How many calories in my coffee.
2. How many minutes it will take for dinner to be ready.
3. How many dollars there are in the bank account.
4. How many hours before I can leave work.
5. How much the scale says I weigh.

The number game never stops. I am always calculating, recalculating, adding, subtracting, and labeling based on numbers. It's no wonder that half the time I am just way too exhausted to do anything more then the bear minimum of what I have to do.

I used to think that if I had all these numbers under control and just right down to the last sec. That I would somehow always be one step ahead. I would have it all figured out. I would always be one task away from perfection.

Then it hit me. Like a ton of bricks or a slap in the face. I AM NOT PERFECT!!

I am me.
a....
mother
wife
sister
daughter
friend
employee
student
teammate

But somewhere in all of that. I am just a woman. I just want to be accepted, loved, and admired. The number game is efficient most days. But there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Somewhere in all the organized daily calculations a little chaos is welcomed. It reminds me that I am not in charge. There is something greater out there. Something more powerful then the numbers. Something that doesn't care whether I am over weight, tired, or stressed. It goes on with or without my consent. It's a little thing called..

Life

So maybe today don't care so much about the numbers. Just eat the cupcake, sleep in past the alarm. Who cares how many minutes your cardio is or how many calories you are burning. Just eat good food, enjoy your down time as well as your busy time. Appreciate your body and enjoy how it feels to move it. Forget the  scheduled  bed time and watch a good movie in bed.

The numbers will always be there. But for today forget they are there.