Breaking bad habits

I have heard that it takes 2 weeks to break a habit. I was hoping that by now it would have gotten easier. That somehow I would have stopped obsessing over it. But it still crosses my mind in the morning, after a meal, and right before bed.

I almost did it yesterday. I almost gave in...

I almost stepped on my scale.

It is no secret that I am trying to lose weight. I have mentioned before that I have 40 pounds that I want to free myself from.

But although I am trying to change my habits for the better. I was also becoming obsessed with my number. My journey to a better me should be focused on more then just my "Number"

The number can't measure how I am feeling... How much I have accomplished. It can't push me past my comfort zones.

I started this year like many others. Wanting change. Vowing that this year would be different. In doing this I know why I failed so many times before. I was focused on the number.

I was focused on only achieving that perfect number.

That number would change everything for me.

It would give me the confidence

It would give me permission.

But somewhere in all the tracking... calories, cardio, weight.

It hit me..... What the hell am I doing?

I knew my exact weight at all times of the day. It may sound like I am exaggerating but I am not. These are the times that I weighed myself.

First thing in the morning
After workout
After breakfast
Right when I got home
After dinner
Before I went to bed

I would weigh all these times with and without clothes. Trying to manipulate the number.

It wasn't healthy.

So tomorrow marks 14 days since my last weigh in. I decided to focus on other things.

How I felt
How far I could run
How good food taste

I let go of the guilt and gave myself permission to be me. Just me, no numbers associated.

My first goal was 50 days of no weigh in... but I am starting to think that I could go a whole year.

We will see after the 50 days.

Yes I want to lose weight.. but I also want to have a life free of guilt, judgment, and anxiety.

I don't know how much weight I will lose, Or how much I weigh. But I am choosing to focus on my life.

We have to work from the inside out. Remember you are beautiful, strong, smart, and worth it.

No number on that scale can tell let alone show you that.